Outside Looking In

From the outside looking in,

Where do I begin?

I’ve been on the outside all my life,

Trying to stand it with all my might.

People running,

I’m sitting,

Cannot keep up,

Going to a friend’s house,

And not being able to get in,

From the outside looking in,

But now I am able to begin,

Anew,

And realize what,

I’ve been through.

Its not as bad as many have had to do,

I have a great life,

Not full of strife,

And have many friends,

Who will be there till all ends.

I may not be like everyone else,

I am unique,

Nothing a matter with that,

If I am on the outside looking in,

There is no possible way to win.

So that is why I deal with what I’ve got,

Because if I don’t,

Then I might be on the outside,

One day,

Not being able to look in.

About Me

Despite my disability I haven’t stopped getting involved and trying to change the world at the same time.  In September, I begin my second year of college at the community college 5 minutes away from my house.  My major is Communications (hence, I am using those skills right now) and I hope to integrate blogging, social media, writing, marketing, and motivating into the career of my dreams.  Not many people with my disorder believe that they can go to college and make a future for themselves, and that is one of the many reasons I started The Optimist’s Guide to Life.

Me?  I enjoy working on my computer and even have my own website design business called “Anthony’s Abilities.”  I also like to write and sing my own songs, play Texas Hold‘em with my family, and go to the movies.  In other words, I just enjoy everything life gives to me, hanging out with friends that mean the world to me, and the small things that turn a good day into an amazing day.

How did I find optimism?  In short, the English teacher from my Junior year of high school read two poems, “Through the Eyes of a Child” and “From the Outside Looking In” that I had written, to her classes.  Once she told them I had written the poems, they asked me to come and talk to their classes about my disease and my perspective on life.  This was my turning point in life where I finally felt accepted and knew my voice wanted to be heard.  33 English classes and a blog later, here I am, forever Optimistic.

So, I am just like every one of you reading this blog, except I am in a wheelchair.  That’s because I have a type of Muscular Dystrophy called Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy.  As this disease progresses, I lose more and more of my muscle function requiring me to constantly adapt my way of doing things.  But this hasn’t stopped me.  With my “never give up” attitude, I have gained a spirit that never gives in to my physical condition.  While Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy steals my muscle function and independence, what remains strong is my desire to excel in academics and life and to teach acceptance of disabilities, while having fun at the same time.

So far, I have been successful in academics by getting accepted into the National Honors Society and I am teaching you about my disability by creating this blog.  But, the most difficult part of being in this wheelchair is the immediate barrier it puts up when trying to make friends.  Sure, everyone in my community and school might say hello to me and know my name, but I don’t have the camaraderie of friends that I continuously strive for.  But this changes for one week of the year, possibly the best week of my life.  At MDA Camp, a one-week camp that I have attended for over the past 10 years, the counselors don’t notice the wheelchair; instead they notice the person in it.  The week is filled with hanging out, sports, pranking, campfires, poker, and dancing.  By the way, I have danced with over 50 girls especially at MDA Camp.  I have continued this same trend at Camp Promise East in Connecticut for the past 2 years.  I became too old for MDA Camp, so I was forced to search for another camp, and I am so glad I found the one that I did.  Each year I go, I become stronger and feel more and more inspired to continue following my dreams.  There is a limitless amount of acceptance at these two camps, so why can’t this continue for the other 51 weeks of the year?  With your help, maybe it can…

The next time you notice a person in a wheelchair, instead of just saying hello, try to find ways to include them in your activities so you can get to know the real person who would love to just “fit in.”  My motto is “despite my disability, my abilities have NO bounds” and I hope I have inspired some of you to embrace our differences and that by having friends that understand you, can make all the difference in the world.

The Observer

As some of you know, a while back I wrote a poem called “From the Outside Looking In” discussing my thoughts as an observer trying to fit in with the crowd.  I think that it is due to the fact that my disability used to make me feel jealous of other people around me.  I was forced to watch everyone around me run, climb, and play sports, while I sat on the sidelines.  I wanted to be able to make the winning touchdown in the football game.  I wanted to be able to actually raise my hand in class and open the door for someone else.  What I believed I truly wanted was to be like everyone else, since I thought that I was not good enough as I was.  Everyone else seemed able to enjoy life, to accomplish their dreams, to be more than who I could physically be.

After a while, though, I was able to realize the one simple fact of life: we all have our problems and we all want what we do not or cannot have. In high school, I learned that lesson by talking to my friends and through hearing the rumors constantly spread like wildfire throughout the school.  These problems that we carry with us may not always be visible, such as our fear of the future, our feelings of remorse and regret, or our lack of self-esteem.  Other problems may be very apparent and visible: our anxiety, our stress, our anger, or even our outer appearance that we believe others find hideous.  Still other problems may be visible, yet hard to identify, such as depression, sadness, or just feeling lost in a world out proportion.  We may try to hide our problems, or push people as far as possible away from them, but that never works.  Or we may instead attempt to get the attention and assistance of our friends or family as inadvertently as possible.  Yet again, that does not solve anything.

I, being an observer for so long, feel that I am better able to notice when my friend needs someone to talk to.  Noticing the smaller and veiled details is something that comes naturally to me.  I know, I know, it is so much harder to look deeper into a conversation in our technological world; there are not many hints found in the simple statements of a text message or Facebook chat.  But if you look deep enough, read between the lines, and actually take the time out of your day for it, then it is possible.  Me?  I try to make time for my friends when they need me to.  I just can’t live with myself if I ever just leave someone without at least attempting to assist.  To me, leaving a friend in need is like forgetting to take the baby out of the car on a hot summer’s day.

So, try to be an observer. It is not as hard as it may seem.  If your friend is not acting as he or she normally would or answers with “okay”, “fine”, or “bad” to “How are you?” then it time to take action.  Ask them, “Do you want to talk about it?” and if they say “yes” then try to talk to them, and most importantly, LISTEN to them as long as you possibly can.  Don’t run away from the problems of others since it may scare you or you feel it does not concern you; being left all alone is the last thing that your friend wants.  Even if your friend says that he or she does not want to talk about it, at least tell them, “If you ever need someone to talk to, I am always here for you.”  That simple statement still shows your friend that you care, although it may seem to be worthless or not helpful to you.  To end on, please don’t leave a baby in a hot car, and I mean that figuratively…

…and LITERALLY (it’s so dang hot outside!)

Creative Opportunist

Guest Post - James Lacerenza

I want to share with you the equally important mindset of doing things by creating opportunities even when there seem to be none out there for you to take.  The way you perceive your life really is a matter of attitude.

When I graduated college in December, 2010, I knew that adjusting from a structured routine of going to school every day and interacting with people the same age as me to transitioning towards not having to go anywhere or answer to anyone except myself for the first time in my life was going to be more difficult than the average person, for many reasons.  For much of the last 18 months or so, I’ve gotten used to being in my house every day, doing laundry, stretching out my hamstrings, cleaning the floors, and spending hour after hour on the computer, either looking for a job, networking with friends on Facebook, or making a small income on “incentive websites” like Swagbucks, where the more time I spend on the site, the faster I earn free rewards and some spare cash.

In a world where my future potential boss can find out more about me with one click of a mouse than ever before, I take a risk in even typing out this.  My possible employers really don’t care about what I’ve done in my life, where I’ve come from or what I’ve been through.  They care about how much money I can make for them.  I’d rather take the risk of helping a mass amount of people going through a similar situation today than just take a job working overnights in a hospital or bagging groceries.  These were two jobs I actually was considered for, and I rejected both.  I graduated with an English degree, and I want to utilize it in a job where my skills are essential to the end result.
Perhaps this is why I have had the optimistic attitude of trying to enjoy the last 18 months of not doing a great deal of anything as much as possible.  I also have come to realize that being a writer or motivational speaker for a living, where I can set my own schedule, is becoming the career path I want to travel, even if I “miss out” on the social interaction I crave for the next few years while I establish myself as an author or speechwriter.  Instead of sitting back and waiting for my opportunity in a world of endless job websites – I created my own opportunity.

Realistically, I probably wouldn’t have been able to raise a combined total of about $40,000 during these last 18 months for children with muscular dystrophy if I had a full-time, traditional job.  Nor would I have been likely to meet people like Jerry Lewis and expand my social network outside of my computer screen by actually meeting many of the people I help at different events and gatherings.  I probably wouldn’t have started writing for blogs and for an eventual book, might not have been able to take an hour or two out of each day to go to physical therapy.  I almost surely wouldn’t have been able to ask my boss for time off to explore the possibility of me driving a car, or coordinating an annual community wide fundraiser that is getting bigger and better each year.

I will admit - my current mobility and economic situation does indeed get me frustrated from time to time when I see my friends post a gazillion photos on Facebook of themselves out on family vacations or partying with other friends.  Yet, I realize that I did indeed make all of the wonderful things that have happened for me in the last year and a half happen for myself by not living the typical life of a 25 year old.  Time and again, people both younger and older than me say, “you’re good at this fundraising thing, man” or, “you’re a very talented writer” or, “wow, what a speech you gave tonight”. I tell them I am lucky because I know what I want to do with my life – I want to make people happy by helping them overcome adversity in a variety of ways.
 
The social interaction with other 25 year olds, the pride of bringing home a paycheck in a job where I utilize my skills to my full potential, the relaxation I need sometimes when I juggle my philanthropy with my writing and occasional public speaking engagements sometimes make me sad.  Those are things that the typical 25 year old has an easier time of obtaining.  I actually feel like the path I’m on right now, though not typical, is ideal for me because I am truly happy with doing things the way I want to.  How many people my age can say that they know what they want to do for the rest of their lives, that they will not be deterred from realizing their dreams no matter what obstacles are thrown in their way, and that they enjoy making other people happy year after year by fundraising as they go on their own path?  Probably not too many people.

If all I did for the rest of my life was raise an average of 20 thousand dollars a year for kids in wheelchairs, inspire others by giving speeches and make my own income from writing about my life experiences, I would be thrilled, honestly.  My regrets would be very few, and when put in their proper perspective, quite miniscule compared to my triumphs and my pride.

Malcolm Pray, a very wealthy man in my area who ran a successful chain of car dealerships, said something to me at the age of 13 that has stuck with me ever since I’ve heard it.  It’s a quote that has been often times repeated by others before he imparted it on me.  In his living room, he told me and a bunch of other youths he invited over to see his vintage car collection the following:

“There are three types of people in this world. People who make things happen, those who watch what happens, and those who say, ‘what happened’?  Don’t just sit back and watch what happens, don’t be the person who asks, ‘hey, what happened?’ – make things happen.”

Even though I haven’t had the typical post-college experience, I’ve made things happen by exploring and capitalizing on my passions.  When my friends are searching for what drives them, I will be blessed to already know, and probably will already be chasing after that motivation, full speed ahead.

That is one heck of a positive perception to have about life.

Decision-Free Day

Our society revolves around planning.  Planning to go to the grocery store.  Planning to go to the mall.  Planning to go anywhere.  What’s next, planning when to breath in and out?  We never stop for a second to admire the beauty all around us or do things that we really want to do.  It’s not the end of the world to stop planning for one day and go on a trip to a new or exciting place.  You could go a mile down the road or hours away going wherever the road may take you.  Life is a highway, so why not ride it all night long?

I’ve had so many Decision-Free Days in my life so far. From monster truck shows to Washington DC, I’ve been to hundreds of cool and indescribable places, too many to name.  Below I will describe one of my DFD’s and hopefully inspire you to take a break from all the stress and pain of life and go on your own Decision-Free Day adventure.

Right before I sat down to write this blog entry, I had returned from a 6-hour Decision-Free Day with my nurse with a story that you would think belongs in a week trip.  The night before I had called my aide from high school and asked him if he would be home the next morning.  He texted me back and said that he would.  So the next morning I left all technology and stress behind at 8:30 in the morning and took a half hour ride to his house with my nurse.  He showed me his house, his pool, and his cat and two dogs.  The three of us sat by the pool and ate potato chips with sour cream and drank some soda.  But more importantly, we sat back and talked about our lives and reminisced on the good times we had in high school together.  He could have not been happier to see me and we spent about an hour playing War with playing cards next to his pool.  Then the three of us went on a walk around his community and he told me everything about his neighbors and how the houses had changed over the years.  My nurse and I were going to leave right after our walk was done, but then I had an idea that literally just popped into my head.  But unlike I, and probably many of you, usually do, I listened to that idea and went with it.

That took us to the diner about a mile down the road where I had fish and chips, my friend had a grilled cheese with tomato, and my nurse had a chicken sandwich.  We continued to reminisce and talk about life during our lunch and had a great day.  But yet again, the trip did not end there like it normally would have with all the woes of life.  My nurse and I followed my friend and continued another mile or two down the road to a rustic Main Street in an old-fashioned town.  The bridge that we crossed overlooked a waterfall and two water wheels churning the water.  My nurse and I found a parking spot on the street and took a stroll down the sidewalk looking at the shops that we passed.  My friend told me about how all the shops and restaurants had changed and about what used to be there.  After walking up and down the street two times we all decided to stop and get some ice cream.  I got a flavor called Lobster Tracks with chocolate and red candies and we sat on a bench and yet again talked about life.

This trip made me wonder why everyone spends their days whining that there is nothing to do when there is really a world of excitement waiting for them outside their small, secluded world. It also made me see how fast the world around us can change and how we should take in everything before it disappears from view.  Look at how simple everything I did was; it was not like I had decided to go skydiving or anything like that.  I had only let my mind and the road take control of my day and turned just a simple visit into an extraordinary and memorable journey.

So take a few hours out of your day, call up that friend you have not seen in years, and go wherever the road may take you.  Follow through with any idea that may go through your head and that idea will take you to many other places you never thought you would go.  Put your stressed mind and life to the side for a bit and see what the world can truly offer.