Creative Opportunist

Guest Post - James Lacerenza

I want to share with you the equally important mindset of doing things by creating opportunities even when there seem to be none out there for you to take.  The way you perceive your life really is a matter of attitude.

When I graduated college in December, 2010, I knew that adjusting from a structured routine of going to school every day and interacting with people the same age as me to transitioning towards not having to go anywhere or answer to anyone except myself for the first time in my life was going to be more difficult than the average person, for many reasons.  For much of the last 18 months or so, I’ve gotten used to being in my house every day, doing laundry, stretching out my hamstrings, cleaning the floors, and spending hour after hour on the computer, either looking for a job, networking with friends on Facebook, or making a small income on “incentive websites” like Swagbucks, where the more time I spend on the site, the faster I earn free rewards and some spare cash.

In a world where my future potential boss can find out more about me with one click of a mouse than ever before, I take a risk in even typing out this.  My possible employers really don’t care about what I’ve done in my life, where I’ve come from or what I’ve been through.  They care about how much money I can make for them.  I’d rather take the risk of helping a mass amount of people going through a similar situation today than just take a job working overnights in a hospital or bagging groceries.  These were two jobs I actually was considered for, and I rejected both.  I graduated with an English degree, and I want to utilize it in a job where my skills are essential to the end result.
Perhaps this is why I have had the optimistic attitude of trying to enjoy the last 18 months of not doing a great deal of anything as much as possible.  I also have come to realize that being a writer or motivational speaker for a living, where I can set my own schedule, is becoming the career path I want to travel, even if I “miss out” on the social interaction I crave for the next few years while I establish myself as an author or speechwriter.  Instead of sitting back and waiting for my opportunity in a world of endless job websites – I created my own opportunity.

Realistically, I probably wouldn’t have been able to raise a combined total of about $40,000 during these last 18 months for children with muscular dystrophy if I had a full-time, traditional job.  Nor would I have been likely to meet people like Jerry Lewis and expand my social network outside of my computer screen by actually meeting many of the people I help at different events and gatherings.  I probably wouldn’t have started writing for blogs and for an eventual book, might not have been able to take an hour or two out of each day to go to physical therapy.  I almost surely wouldn’t have been able to ask my boss for time off to explore the possibility of me driving a car, or coordinating an annual community wide fundraiser that is getting bigger and better each year.

I will admit - my current mobility and economic situation does indeed get me frustrated from time to time when I see my friends post a gazillion photos on Facebook of themselves out on family vacations or partying with other friends.  Yet, I realize that I did indeed make all of the wonderful things that have happened for me in the last year and a half happen for myself by not living the typical life of a 25 year old.  Time and again, people both younger and older than me say, “you’re good at this fundraising thing, man” or, “you’re a very talented writer” or, “wow, what a speech you gave tonight”. I tell them I am lucky because I know what I want to do with my life – I want to make people happy by helping them overcome adversity in a variety of ways.
 
The social interaction with other 25 year olds, the pride of bringing home a paycheck in a job where I utilize my skills to my full potential, the relaxation I need sometimes when I juggle my philanthropy with my writing and occasional public speaking engagements sometimes make me sad.  Those are things that the typical 25 year old has an easier time of obtaining.  I actually feel like the path I’m on right now, though not typical, is ideal for me because I am truly happy with doing things the way I want to.  How many people my age can say that they know what they want to do for the rest of their lives, that they will not be deterred from realizing their dreams no matter what obstacles are thrown in their way, and that they enjoy making other people happy year after year by fundraising as they go on their own path?  Probably not too many people.

If all I did for the rest of my life was raise an average of 20 thousand dollars a year for kids in wheelchairs, inspire others by giving speeches and make my own income from writing about my life experiences, I would be thrilled, honestly.  My regrets would be very few, and when put in their proper perspective, quite miniscule compared to my triumphs and my pride.

Malcolm Pray, a very wealthy man in my area who ran a successful chain of car dealerships, said something to me at the age of 13 that has stuck with me ever since I’ve heard it.  It’s a quote that has been often times repeated by others before he imparted it on me.  In his living room, he told me and a bunch of other youths he invited over to see his vintage car collection the following:

“There are three types of people in this world. People who make things happen, those who watch what happens, and those who say, ‘what happened’?  Don’t just sit back and watch what happens, don’t be the person who asks, ‘hey, what happened?’ – make things happen.”

Even though I haven’t had the typical post-college experience, I’ve made things happen by exploring and capitalizing on my passions.  When my friends are searching for what drives them, I will be blessed to already know, and probably will already be chasing after that motivation, full speed ahead.

That is one heck of a positive perception to have about life.

The Observer

As some of you know, a while back I wrote a poem called “From the Outside Looking In” discussing my thoughts as an observer trying to fit in with the crowd.  I think that it is due to the fact that my disability used to make me feel jealous of other people around me.  I was forced to watch everyone around me run, climb, and play sports, while I sat on the sidelines.  I wanted to be able to make the winning touchdown in the football game.  I wanted to be able to actually raise my hand in class and open the door for someone else.  What I believed I truly wanted was to be like everyone else, since I thought that I was not good enough as I was.  Everyone else seemed able to enjoy life, to accomplish their dreams, to be more than who I could physically be.

After a while, though, I was able to realize the one simple fact of life: we all have our problems and we all want what we do not or cannot have. In high school, I learned that lesson by talking to my friends and through hearing the rumors constantly spread like wildfire throughout the school.  These problems that we carry with us may not always be visible, such as our fear of the future, our feelings of remorse and regret, or our lack of self-esteem.  Other problems may be very apparent and visible: our anxiety, our stress, our anger, or even our outer appearance that we believe others find hideous.  Still other problems may be visible, yet hard to identify, such as depression, sadness, or just feeling lost in a world out proportion.  We may try to hide our problems, or push people as far as possible away from them, but that never works.  Or we may instead attempt to get the attention and assistance of our friends or family as inadvertently as possible.  Yet again, that does not solve anything.

I, being an observer for so long, feel that I am better able to notice when my friend needs someone to talk to.  Noticing the smaller and veiled details is something that comes naturally to me.  I know, I know, it is so much harder to look deeper into a conversation in our technological world; there are not many hints found in the simple statements of a text message or Facebook chat.  But if you look deep enough, read between the lines, and actually take the time out of your day for it, then it is possible.  Me?  I try to make time for my friends when they need me to.  I just can’t live with myself if I ever just leave someone without at least attempting to assist.  To me, leaving a friend in need is like forgetting to take the baby out of the car on a hot summer’s day.

So, try to be an observer. It is not as hard as it may seem.  If your friend is not acting as he or she normally would or answers with “okay”, “fine”, or “bad” to “How are you?” then it time to take action.  Ask them, “Do you want to talk about it?” and if they say “yes” then try to talk to them, and most importantly, LISTEN to them as long as you possibly can.  Don’t run away from the problems of others since it may scare you or you feel it does not concern you; being left all alone is the last thing that your friend wants.  Even if your friend says that he or she does not want to talk about it, at least tell them, “If you ever need someone to talk to, I am always here for you.”  That simple statement still shows your friend that you care, although it may seem to be worthless or not helpful to you.  To end on, please don’t leave a baby in a hot car, and I mean that figuratively…

…and LITERALLY (it’s so dang hot outside!)