The Observer

As some of you know, a while back I wrote a poem called “From the Outside Looking In” discussing my thoughts as an observer trying to fit in with the crowd.  I think that it is due to the fact that my disability used to make me feel jealous of other people around me.  I was forced to watch everyone around me run, climb, and play sports, while I sat on the sidelines.  I wanted to be able to make the winning touchdown in the football game.  I wanted to be able to actually raise my hand in class and open the door for someone else.  What I believed I truly wanted was to be like everyone else, since I thought that I was not good enough as I was.  Everyone else seemed able to enjoy life, to accomplish their dreams, to be more than who I could physically be.

After a while, though, I was able to realize the one simple fact of life: we all have our problems and we all want what we do not or cannot have. In high school, I learned that lesson by talking to my friends and through hearing the rumors constantly spread like wildfire throughout the school.  These problems that we carry with us may not always be visible, such as our fear of the future, our feelings of remorse and regret, or our lack of self-esteem.  Other problems may be very apparent and visible: our anxiety, our stress, our anger, or even our outer appearance that we believe others find hideous.  Still other problems may be visible, yet hard to identify, such as depression, sadness, or just feeling lost in a world out proportion.  We may try to hide our problems, or push people as far as possible away from them, but that never works.  Or we may instead attempt to get the attention and assistance of our friends or family as inadvertently as possible.  Yet again, that does not solve anything.

I, being an observer for so long, feel that I am better able to notice when my friend needs someone to talk to.  Noticing the smaller and veiled details is something that comes naturally to me.  I know, I know, it is so much harder to look deeper into a conversation in our technological world; there are not many hints found in the simple statements of a text message or Facebook chat.  But if you look deep enough, read between the lines, and actually take the time out of your day for it, then it is possible.  Me?  I try to make time for my friends when they need me to.  I just can’t live with myself if I ever just leave someone without at least attempting to assist.  To me, leaving a friend in need is like forgetting to take the baby out of the car on a hot summer’s day.

So, try to be an observer. It is not as hard as it may seem.  If your friend is not acting as he or she normally would or answers with “okay”, “fine”, or “bad” to “How are you?” then it time to take action.  Ask them, “Do you want to talk about it?” and if they say “yes” then try to talk to them, and most importantly, LISTEN to them as long as you possibly can.  Don’t run away from the problems of others since it may scare you or you feel it does not concern you; being left all alone is the last thing that your friend wants.  Even if your friend says that he or she does not want to talk about it, at least tell them, “If you ever need someone to talk to, I am always here for you.”  That simple statement still shows your friend that you care, although it may seem to be worthless or not helpful to you.  To end on, please don’t leave a baby in a hot car, and I mean that figuratively…

…and LITERALLY (it’s so dang hot outside!)